Each time I feel I blow it, and just hate it that I lose my temper and don't control myself better. Once my top has blown I know I have lost the argument. Then there are the consequences, this time it was just before dinner.
Having nearly emptied the fridge and store cupboard, to make room for cleaning them and getting in more organic produce, my 16 year old daughter has been complaining there is nothing to eat. I felt I excelled myself this evenng and produced a lovely baked potato meal with assorted fillings in different bowls on the table. Maybe some of them were left over items but presented nicely I thought it looked a feast.
In rounding up everyone I find daughter in the parlour yet again with the main light on rather than the low energy standard lamp. For the past two weeks I have been reminding her particularly to use the low energy lamp rather than the Victorian looking brass chandelier with 5 light bulbs. As we wanted a dimmer switch for ambience we can't have low energy bulbs. How many times do I have to tell her. Tonight I lost it with her obtuseness and ultimate "why did you get that light then?".
Big arguments before dinner are like arguments before going out. There are consequences. Daughter shut herself in the parlour and when I go back to get her for dinner she innocently says "I told you I was coming to dinner but I am busy". When she does come she sits there refusing to eat and says she is waiting to see if she feels hungry enough. After a time she scoops up a plate of food and then zooms off to the parlour with it.
This same room with the chandelier also has £36 per square metre carpet. (Long story for this extravagance.) For ages now I have been insisting no eating in there by the kids and I am left thinking whether I can go tell her not to eat in there or whether she will throw another wobbly and throw the food. It is all so frustrating. Not helped that the first time anything major hit that carpet was me who wildly missed my aim on a glass of red wine and I incredibly flung this red wine in a great sweep across our gold carpet. In front of aforementioned teen. I'm sure she dines out on that.
Dinner is finished. Mr Doris cleans up the dishes and the kids are actually playing and joking with each other in another part of the house and I am still sat at the dining table mulling over my glass of stout. If only I didn't flip and we might have been able to sit round the table enjoying our morsels together. Hey ho.
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But I think we DO have a right to have OUR possessions treated with respect. And you can choose what are your possessions. That room, so nicely decorated is 'your' possession and you want it treated according to your values.
Just wondering if you had a conversation with her about the values you are expressing and the conflicts you have experienced (eg being ecological vs the benefit of a dimmer switch) and the way you have resolved that (so please use the low energy lamp unless using the dimmer)...
I guess it is amplified because I am taking an internal dive again so I decided to pink up my blog and am now going to get on with some proper work!
(Oh yes, and the sheer irony of it all regarding my 16 year old.... the night before last I had spent over an hour researching (because her research was cr*p) and finding and beautifully wordprocesing the right Deed Poll text to allow my daughter to drop our family name without any financial cost of using some dubious onlne service. And I don't even get grovelling for an extended period of time.)
I'll bet she does dine out on your red wine spill, but when I've done similar, I just explain:
"I can take the risk of a spill because I take the responsibility for one. I bought the carpet, I'll pay for the clean-up. Do you plan on paying for the clean-up if you spill?"
Course they don't! They may not be gracious about it, but after a grunt, they slink off to where they should be.
Maybe its junk food withdrawal, or maybe its something else, but her stropping around is a blatant way to ask you to find out. (Maybe she is going round in internal circles about the name change - had she planned you to be upset instead of helpful?)Otherwise she'd just hate you silently and not let it show!
Good luck
xxx
If it cheers you up someone came to my blog from the following link' on your blog: "porn, teens, big"!!